By J.B Mairubutu

I woke up gloomy this morning despite the fact that power holders had agreed to smile on us by restoring the power they had deliberately withheld for days – four good days. I was supposed to be happy but I just couldn’t find that fresh air of excitement. I hurled to the conclusion that something was amiss little did I know that my mind was preparing me for the awful situation I was going to come across. It did prepare me for the worst, I tell you!

Ehen, back to my early morning mood ‘Palava’, I decided that since nothing was exciting  l should comb through my Facebook page and maybe, just maybe, I could come across something cheerful. And then the explosion erupted. I stumbled on an article written by you, sir, on the just concluded BBNAIJA show; the temptation to overlook it came because the whole talk about the show had become very boring, tiresome and generating unnecessary squabble. Everything about it had come to be a cliché but seeing that it is an article by an elder statesman, the former spokesman of Goodluck Jonathan who had come to be known as a persona of great opinion(s) and whose writing prowess have come to be admired by young folks like me. I decided to give it my all and read then like a bitter and unwanted pill, I swallowed the disappointment. Quite a number of Nigerians have taken capsules of this disappointment too and we are suffering from its effect.

Now, I am going to dissect the article tearing off the meat from the bones. Sir Reuben Abati, you did shed a few light on the economic implications of the show that was hosted in South Africa instead of Nigeria. And no doubt you got it right there. You opined that, Multichoice, Payporte and their partners made money out of Nigerians and got massive promotions of their brand and our country received nothing but peanuts. South Africa and not Nigeria benefited more looking at from the economic point of view. That’s very true, sir.

You went further to add that South Africans had more staff on the program and I would want to agree with you, sir, on this. The statistics   you gave of the number of people that voted (24 million you said) and indirectly reminded us that we have the power to make the right choice come 2019. Thank you for that sir. We aren’t going to take the advice lightly. Eshe gaan, sir! Ya’gode so sai! But you did throw a few punches on the present administration and I am here asking if the reason is genuine (as a patronic Nigerian) or there are political undertones (Well, that is another day’s discussion).

Sir Abati, I understand your chagrin with Payporte, Multichoice and their partners especially when you questioned their morality and how they have indirectly promoted pornography. I understand your pain, I truly do.  Most Nigerians get your point owing to the fact that you are an upright man who has a goblet of morale-full to its brim. Erm, sir, it seems you have forgotten that you live in a glass house and I’m wondering what you are doing with a stone in that hand?

I have a question I want to ask you on behalf of Nigerians (scratching my head with my eyes counting the sand my toes are wriggling in),erm, why did you rain down fire and brimstone on Tokunbo Idowu (TBOSS)? Has she offended you in anyway? Is there anything you would want to share with us,sir? You know you can tell us anything. We share the same ancestral lineage.  Or have you imagined grappling, how did you call them again sir, those fluffy,south-looking, slightly  bigger than mangoes breast?

Ah! Sir, Abati it seems you have “joined bad gang oo!” (clearing my throat).

These questions stem from the inquisitiveness of a small boy who aspires to be like you, sir. No vex! Ema bi nu, Egbon!

Flipping through the pages of your article with all iota of seriousness, sir, it befuddled me, that a man of your status quo would rack his head and spew words of vulgarity. It is quite disheartening. It is ignominious  that an icon like you  who is seen by many young folks as a role model not just in politics but every aspect of life would go all out ranting on social media with words deeply soaked in vulgarity.

Sir, you fall our hand sha!

You accused Multichoice and co for promoting base values, adultery, nudity and sex in other words, they don’t have values and lack morals but I am writing this and wondering if you are any better. I had to read your article over and over again and prayed someone would come out and tell me that you didn’t write it and the person who did has issued an apology to you. Sadly, the article has your name boldly scripted on it and your smiles can be felt on every syllable.

Sir, your attack on TBOSS and BISOLA was uncalled for. Going as far as saying you have seen better breasts (your attack on TBOSS) is a proof that you are suffering from MASOCHISM – and you do not have regards for women. Feminists should call for your head, sir! From your biased-coloured rant it is glaring that you followed the show from day one to the very last day for you to have given an iconic or graphic description of what her breasts look like. And you mentioned that it was sheer madness how Nigerians followed the show from the corridors of their homes to the gutters of the streets, in other words, you did partake of the insanity too! For your analysis is too detailed for one who was just a passerby.

Sir,  what I don’t understand is that why would you come out, unashamedly, throwing darts at her breasts and go as far as being sarcastic saying that “ if the same men see bigger assets, I mean, those interesting Ojiakor-like ones that look like papayas, pineapples and watermelons, they will not send private jets, they will deploy submarines and fighter jets”  I want to ask a question sir, how many wraps of Marijuna did you smoke or were your jeers a way of getting back  to relevance? Sir, we want answers to these puzzling questions.

How can a man who supposedly has an overflowing cup of morals make fun of a woman or a girl who is busy with her own life? Sir Abati, what lessons are you trying to send to your kids here? That their father is a man with an uncontrollable libido who sneaks under the pants of every young girl in town and he is so good that he can tell the difference between a fluffy south looking breast and the Ojiakor-like ones with the semblance of Papayas, pineapples and watermelons?  Are you indirectly telling us you are promiscuous and unfaithful to your wife? Or are you indirectly obsessed with her breast and you so wish to be one of those private owners who would enjoy her presence?

Sir Abati, how would you feel if your daughter (the one that schooled abroad) is talked about in this manner? Excited? I am sure you aren’t oblivious that karma is very much alive and it’s bitchy.

You seem to have forgotten that BBNAIJA is a show and the contestants were actors playing a game they were asked to.

Bisola had her share of your dehumanizing disparage where you called her out as one with no self-respect; a whore in plain English. Sir, your traduce have me lost for words and thrown in the arms of bewilderment. Bros, if you weren’t in support of her behaviour in the house there are a thousand and one ways of saying that but insults isn’t one of the ways. Slandering her also makes you guilty of the same sin of moral decadence.

The winner, Efe, felt your jabs as you referred to BBNAIJA as a poverty alleviation scheme. And that he needed the money more for he had poverty gratified all over his body and I’m truly wondering if that was necessary or you just felt like talking. Sir, what’s wrong with a young man trying to make it in life? I am sure as a young man you went through worst situations than Efe.

Tiwa Savage, Tu face and wife got a few blows from the sham of an article. Sir, if I were you I would be weary of WHISTLEBLOWERS and those guys on jackets.

There is a Benin saying that ‘Elder wey no behave like elder small pikin go tell em make e siddon for ground’

(Sighs) I have said my own; it is now time for me to move to a corner so I could watch while I fondle with my beards.